Cyclists are the biggest sandbaggers

By ELVISGOAT from <http://podiumcafe.com>
> podiumcafe.com
>
> Cyclists are the biggest sandbaggers and secret
> trainers around. They'll say
> anything to soften you up for the kill. Don't let
> this happen to you. Study
> this handy rider's phrasebook to find out what they
> really mean when they
> say:
>
> "I'm out of shape"
> Translation:
> I ride 400 miles a week and haven't missed a day
> since the Ford
> administration.
> I replace my 11-tooth cog more often than you wash
> your shorts.
> My body fat percentage is lower than your mortgage
> rate.
>
> "I'm not into competition. I'm just riding to stay
> in shape" ---
> Translation:
> I will attack until you collapse in the gutter,
> babbling and whimpering.
> I will win the line sprint if I have to force you
> into oncoming traffic.
> I will crest this hill first if I have to grab your
> seat post, and spray
> energy drink in your eyes.
>
> "I'm on my beater bike"
> Translation:
> I had this baby custom-made in Tuscany using
> titanium blessed by the Pope.
> I took it to a wind tunnel and it disappeared.
> It weighs less than a fart and costs more than
> divorce.
>
> "It's not that hilly"
> Translation:
> This climb lasts longer than a presidential
> campaign.
> Be careful on the steep sections or you'll fall over
> -- backward.
> You have a 39x23 low gear? Here's the name of my
> knee surgeon.
>
> "You're doing great, honey"
> Translation:
> Yo, lard ass, I'd like to get home before midnight.
> This is what you get for spending the winter
> decorating and eating
> chocolate.
> I shoulda married that cute Cat 1 racer when I had
> the chance.
>
> "This is a no-drop ride"
> Translation:
> I'll need an article of your clothing for the
> search-and-rescue dogs.
>
> "It's not that far"
> Translation:
> Bring your passport